Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Christmas Eve pajamas, and these funny Christmas quotes all make for a jolly good time this holiday season. We know holiday cards can be a bit stale, that’s why you should consider writing these funny Christmas quotes in your upcoming season’s greetings. From family dynamics, gift giving, and traditional celebrations, no topic is off limits when it comes to scoring a Christmas chuckle from your family and friends. And with the help of Postable, any joke will land paired with one of our high-quality and engaging Christmas cards you can choose from. So, check out and chuckle at the funny Christmas quotes and cards we picked out for you.
Now, you might be stressing about what to write in your card, but that’s all you need to worry about when you use Postable. Here, we take the stress out of holiday cards by addressing, printing, and mailing out your Christmas cards filled with cheer. Start drafting your message today!
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Here are 25 funny Christmas quotes to inspire you this year:
- “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” — Bridger Winegar
With this quote, you can share some humor and wisdom with your friends.
- ”A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” — Melanie White
Miracles do happen! And they happen on Christmas, so let’s cross our fingers that this one comes true and your Christmas cards arrive in the mail.
- “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” — Robert Paul
Ain’t that the truth! Undoubtedly, everyone loves a self-deprecating joke.
- “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.” — Charles M. Schulz
Traditions and family heirlooms are all a part of celebrating the happiest season of all. Check out this card to pair with this quote.
- “Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.” — Douglas Coupland
Just kidding, who has free time at Christmas?
- “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns
Bring your family together in Christmas spirit through laughter. Postable helps the distance feel closer when you’re apart from your family with high-quality Christmas cards.
- “There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Not one of them is on my son’s list.” — Milton Berle
Any parent on your mailing list will relate and laugh at this quote.
- “Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White
They say, ‘It’s the thought that counts,’ and it does. Prove it by sending your friends and family a Postable Christmas card that will make them laugh out loud.
- “I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.” — Maya Angelou
Not only eloquent yet humorous, but this quote is an excellent example to represent your feelings about everyone’s Christmas character.
- “Santa’s reindeer get around so fast because they have athlete’s feet. — Kids Sure Are Funny
This one is for the kids! We always laugh at Rudolph’s nose but what’s going on with his hooves… Luckily, Postable sends out your Christmas cards just as fast as Santa’s reindeer.
- “This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” — Guy Endore Kaiser
Bring everyone together with a little reminder that Christmas is the best season of all.
- “More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.” — Linda Sunshine
This one is for your sister because we all know it’s true. We’ve got a great card for you to send this funny Christmas quote to her!
- “Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends.” — Larry Wilde
Good thing you’ve got plenty of friends to send out Christmas cards to this year.
- “My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” — Melanie White
Don’t be a Scrooge this season – send out Postable Christmas cards worthy of making any Scrooge smile.
- “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” — Larry Wilde
Keep the magic and whimsy going by reminding everyone of their inner child’s spirit.
- “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge
Additionally, send out cards for every holiday with Postable! Send some holiday cheer this season with a funny card.
- “Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.” — Unknown
When you send out your Christmas cards with Postable, nobody’s tinsel gets in a tangle.
Funny Pop Culture Christmas Quotes
- “Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” — Ellen DeGeneres
There’s nothing “cheesy” about sending out a Christmas card with this quote. Check out our funny Christmas cards like this one.
- “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” — Johnny Carson
And mail your Christmas cards with Postable for a seamless and easy holiday card experience.
- “You have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card.” — Buddy, “Elf”
Use this quote straight-forward or sarcastically, both will inspire a Christmas chuckle from whoever reads it.
- “Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.” — Kevin McCallister, “Home Alone 2”
Classic and funny, you can’t go wrong with one of the most quotable Christmas quotes ever. Send out a matching card to finish the punchline.
- “That’s the true spirit of Christmas: people being helped by people other than me.” — Jerry Seinfeld
Who better to quote in a Christmas card than a Jewish comedian?
- “There’s something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh.” — Kristen Wiig
Everyone can relate to this funny quote, because what ugly Christmas sweater isn’t funny? Share the Christmas cheer by letting Postable address, print, and mail out your holiday cards.
- “It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.” — Craig Ferguson
That, and a few Christmas cards in your mailbox. Set the example this winter by sending out your own Postable cards.
- “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” — Bart Simpson, “The Simpsons”
Remind the world of the true meaning of Christmas with Bart Simpson’s wise words and a hilarious Postable greeting card.
Most importantly, at Postable, you set up the joke, and we help you deliver the punchline. Once you’ve decided on a beautifully illustrated Postable Christmas card, write one of these funny Christmas quotes inside, and we take care of the rest. Soon, your message of Christmas cheer will spread and everyone will light up like a Christmas tree when they receive your card. Begin writing your message by signing up for an account here.
Lastly, if you’re interested in a more sincere message to write in your cards, check out our list of short Christmas quotes to use this season.
