Here’s a Guide for How to Build an Emotional Connection Figuring out how to build an emotional connection with a friend or family member can feel impossible. It’s the small lonely moments that add up that prompt these challenging feelings of disconnect. Disconnect feels like showing someone your favorite movie and they’re not paying attention. It feels like sharing a story and no one listening, and it feels like opening an empty mailbox during Christmastime. Fortunately, psychological experts offer insight and tips for building an emotional connection with your loved ones. What is emotional connection? An emotional connection is a special bond built between people with intention, trust, and vulnerability. These three contributions set the scene for a natural intimacy to grow. According to Calm, an emotional connection is not just about sharing your life however, “it’s about feeling close, valued, and cared for by the other person.” For example, it feels like watching your favorite movie with your crush, looking over, and seeing they’re actually watching the film and not on their phone. Why is an emotional connection important? There are many reasons why an emotional connection is important. Most importantly, is the fact that an emotional connection adds value to your life. A meaningful connection is beneficial to our mental wellness thus leading to a life of safety, security, and support. Likewise, when we don’t feel safe or heard, we create superficial relationships. “When we feel safe to open up, we foster genuine care for each other's needs, leading to happiness and long-term emotional intimacy,” said psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen at PsychologyToday. Therefore, creating a strong emotional connection and holding the relationship together. 5 signs of emotional connection Firstly, access the status of the relationships you care about. Do you feel confident in these relationships? How does the other person feel? Is there room for growth? Look for the following five signs of an emotional connection to gauge where your connection is strong. Open communication Building an open channel of communication is crucial for an emotional connection’s foundation. Open channels allow space for feeling, vulnerability, and limitless potential for a genuine bond. Vulnerability Look out for moments of vulnerability between yourself and loved ones. Whether you’re sharing your feelings or sharing secrets in your open channel of communication, when you let yourself be vulnerable in the relationship - it reinforces an emotional connection. Verbal and nonverbal cues Additionally, you might practice vulnerability but being direct can be just as hard. That’s why when there’s an emotional bond, you’ll be able to recognize subtle communication from your partner like recognizing they’re hungry from their attitude, the meaning of subconscious facial expressions, and body language. “Bid” exchanges Contemporary psychologist Dr. John Gottman conducted research and discovered strong couples exchange small attempts to connect such as support and affection. These acts are called “bids.” “These interactions can be verbal or nonverbal. A person may be aware or unaware of the use of a bid,” said Psychologist Angela Bisignano at GoodTherapy, which in the end, causes an emotional disconnect. Some “bid” examples include sharing a smile, turning towards each other, or giving a compliment. Silence In contrast to what most people might think, silence is a positive sign of a strong emotional connection. If you’re able to sit in silence and feel safe and at peace with your loved ones, consider it an emotional connection. So, keep these signs in mind when evaluating your emotional bond with someone. Your emotional connection is probably stronger than you think! How to build emotional connections in relationships Luckily, there are ways you can build towards an emotional connection if you’re pining over someone or the bond needs maintenance. Turn towards Dr. Gottman refers to body language as a crucial “bid” in building a connection. More specifically, when couples turn toward each other. This simple act is an effective, positive, and subtle exchange helping couples build emotional intimacy. Offer “bids” Remember to offer “bids” to your loved one daily. “Bids” are more than just turning towards each other. Vocalize your feelings to your partner by opening up the communication. Don’t just hear what your partner is saying, listen to them. Even sending a card in the mail will do the trick. Be intentional Building an emotional connection is not an easy feat. Though it is a worthwhile one. That's why it’s important to be intentional. Being intentional looks like setting aside time to discuss your relationship, checking in, and being honest. One tactful way to build an emotional bond is by using the acronym ARE. Psychologist and primary developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy, Dr. Sue Johnson, wrote of three questions that help build an emotional connection. ARE stands for accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement. Accessibility Touchbase with your loved one by asking, “Can I reach you?” A question like this opens the channel of communication mentioned before. Are you willing to reflect on your own feelings and their influence on others? Are you up to listening to your partner share the same? Responsiveness Dr. Johnson also prompts the question, “Can I rely on you to respond to me emotionally?” This question offers the opportunity to make space for your partner’s emotions, vulnerabilities, and needs. How are these factors contributing to your well being in the relationship, are you aware of how you can support your partner? Engagement “Do I know you value me and stay close?” Asking this question helps you be emotionally present in the emotional connection you’re trying to build. Also consider if your partner is emotionally present for you as well. Practice vulnerability Vulnerability is crucial for a strong bond. If “bids” and intentions were seeds then consider acts of vulnerability the sunlight and water the seeds need to grow. Show that you’re serious about the relationship you’re working on by sharing your strengths and weaknesses. This invites and encourages your partner to be vulnerable too. Share your appreciation One of the best types of bids towards your loved one is by sharing your appreciation. At least, it’s Postable’s favorite. An easy way to show your appreciation is by sending a card in the mail. We can help with that. First, visit Postable to pick out a card whether it’s a “Thinking of You” card or an annual Christmas card. Secondly, write your thoughtful thanks on the card. Lastly, we address, print, and send out your thoughts of appreciation so you can continue building your emotional connections. Learning how to build an emotional connection can take time. Though if you do it right, you’ll invest in something worthwhile both emotionally and logistically. Always begin by evaluating your situation and then implement the guidance from professionals like Dr. Gottman, Dr. Johnson, and the team at Calm. You can even rely on the team at Postable to help you create strong emotional bonds. No matter how you do it, building an emotional connection with someone special is beneficial to your well being, your partner’s mental health, and your life together.

How to Build an Emotional Connection in Your Relationships

By Lindsey B   •  

Figuring out how to build an emotional connection with a friend or family member can feel impossible. It’s the small lonely moments that add up that prompt these challenging feelings of disconnect. 

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Disconnect feels like showing someone your favorite movie and they’re not paying attention. It feels like sharing a story and no one listening, and it feels like opening an empty mailbox during Christmastime. Fortunately, psychology experts offer insight and tips for building an emotional connection with your loved ones. 

What is emotional connection?

An emotional connection is a special bond built between people with intention, trust, and vulnerability. These three contributions set the scene for a natural intimacy to grow. According to Calm, an emotional connection is not just about sharing your life. However, “it’s about feeling close, valued, and cared for by the other person.” For example, it feels like watching your favorite movie with your crush, looking over, and seeing they’re actually watching the film and not on their phone. 

Why is an emotional connection important?

There are many reasons why an emotional connection is important. Most importantly, is the fact that an emotional connection adds value to your life. A meaningful connection is beneficial to our mental wellness thus leading to a life of safety, security, and support. 

Likewise, when we don’t feel safe or heard, we create superficial relationships. “When we feel safe to open up, we foster genuine care for each other’s needs, leading to happiness and long-term emotional intimacy,” said psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen at PsychologyToday. Therefore, creating a strong emotional connection and holding the relationship together. 

5 signs of emotional connection

Firstly, access the status of the relationships you care about. Do you feel confident in these  relationships? How does the other person feel? Is there room for growth? Look for the following five signs of an emotional connection to gauge where your connection is strong.

Open communication

Building an open channel of communication is crucial for an emotional connection’s foundation. Open channels allow space for feeling, vulnerability, and limitless potential for a genuine bond. 

Vulnerability

Look out for moments of vulnerability between yourself and loved ones. Whether you’re sharing your feelings or sharing secrets in your open channel of communication, when you let yourself be vulnerable in the relationship – it reinforces an emotional connection.

Verbal and nonverbal cues

Additionally, you might practice vulnerability but being direct can be just as hard. That’s why when there’s an emotional bond, you’ll be able to recognize subtle communication from your partner like recognizing they’re hungry from their attitude, the meaning of subconscious facial expressions, and body language. 

“Bid” exchanges

Contemporary psychologist Dr. John Gottman conducted research and discovered strong couples exchange small attempts to connect such as support and affection. These acts are called “bids.” 

“These interactions can be verbal or nonverbal. A person may be aware or unaware of the use of a bid,” said Psychologist Angela Bisignano at GoodTherapy, which in the end, causes an emotional disconnect. Some “bid” examples include sharing a smile, turning towards each other, or giving a compliment. 

Silence

In contrast to what most people might think, silence is a positive sign of a strong emotional connection. If you’re able to sit in silence and feel safe and at peace with your loved ones, consider it an emotional connection.

So, keep these signs in mind when evaluating your emotional bond with someone. Your emotional connection is probably stronger than you think!

How to build emotional connections in relationships

Luckily, there are ways you can build towards an emotional connection if you’re pining over someone or the bond needs maintenance. 

Turn towards

Dr. Gottman refers to body language as a crucial “bid” in building a connection. More specifically, when couples turn toward each other. This simple act is an effective, positive, and subtle exchange helping couples build emotional intimacy. 

Offer “bids”

Remember to offer “bids” to your loved one daily. “Bids” are more than just turning towards each other. Vocalize your feelings to your partner by opening up the communication. Don’t just hear what your partner is saying, listen to them. Even sending a card in the mail will do the trick. 

Be intentional

Building an emotional connection is not an easy feat. Though it is a worthwhile one. That’s why it’s important to be intentional. Being intentional looks like setting aside time to discuss your relationship, checking in, and being honest. 

One tactful way to build an emotional bond is by using the acronym ARE. Psychologist and primary developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy, Dr. Sue Johnson, wrote of three questions that help build an emotional connection. ARE stands for accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement. 

Accessibility

Touchbase with your loved one by asking, “Can I reach you?” A question like this opens the channel of communication mentioned before. Are you willing to reflect on your own feelings and their influence on others? Are you up to listening to your partner share the same?

Responsiveness

Dr. Johnson also prompts the question, “Can I rely on you to respond to me emotionally?” This question offers the opportunity to make space for your partner’s emotions, vulnerabilities, and needs. How are these factors contributing to your wellbeing in the relationship, are you aware of how you can support your partner?

Engagement

“Do I know you value me and stay close?” Asking this question helps you be emotionally present in the emotional connection you’re trying to build. Also consider if your partner is emotionally present for you as well. 

Practice vulnerability

Vulnerability is crucial for a strong bond. If “bids” and intentions were seeds then consider acts of vulnerability the sunlight and water the seeds need to grow. Show that you’re serious about the relationship you’re working on by sharing your strengths and weaknesses. This invites and encourages your partner to be vulnerable too. 

Share your appreciation

One of the best types of bids towards your loved one is by sharing your appreciation. At least, it’s Postable’s favorite. An easy way to show your appreciation is by sending a card in the mail. We can help with that. First, visit Postable to pick out a card whether it’s a “Thinking of You” card or an annual Christmas card. Secondly, write your thoughtful thanks on the card. Lastly, we address, print, and send out your thoughts of appreciation so you can continue building your emotional connections. 

Learning how to build an emotional connection can take time. Though if you do it right, you’ll invest in something worthwhile both emotionally and logistically. Always begin by evaluating your situation and then implement the guidance from professionals like Dr. Gottman, Dr. Johnson, and the team at Calm. You can even rely on the team at Postable to help you create strong emotional bonds. No matter how you do it, building an emotional connection with someone special is beneficial to your wellbeing, your partner’s mental health, and your life together.